With times changing, the household dynamic has switched- Gender Roles.
What's good for some may not be good for others. I get that, but the way the economy is a two person income is always better than one. I'm just saying..
However, if this has to be done BOTH parties has to participate at 100% to make this work or understand in her eyes your value has dropped below 40%, your feminine energy has put her in her masculine energy and you will never look strong in her eyes.
Everyone situation is different, but 80% of the women I spoke with mentioned leaving that situation immediately, Why?
Because isn't the man supposed to be the provider?
That's another story for another day, so today lets get into "She say, He say" Working Moms & Stay at Home Dads.
Up first, She said.. "Pull your weight big homie"
In most households, it takes two to raise a family, pay for the bills and keep the house in good shape. For the home to run smoothly, it's necessary for both you and your spouse to pitch in. You work a full-time work schedule, and so does your husband. Therefore, it makes sense for the two of you to work as a team to complete the household chores. Gone are the days where you have to put the kids to bed, clean the entire house, and clean up after your husband all by your lonesome.
These days, your husband may be as mindful about household chores as you are!
1. Every man is different.
Some men intentionally plot to minimize their workload around the house by acting oblivious, while others truly are oblivious. And some do what needs to be done without being asked. Your husband likely falls somewhere between the three.
• What has worked for your sister and your brother-in-law may not be the right approach for getting your husband to pull his weight around the house. Every man is different.
• Approach your husband according to his personality. Be sensitive and caring when approaching him for help. Consider his personality and motivations carefully, and approach him with a loving spirit.
2. Give a little push.
"You need to train your man to do what you want" is a common saying amongst wives. But a gentler approach in love is a much more respectful and effective approach. Provide him with a push in the right direction and respond in a positive way when he makes an effort.
• It's important to realize that no one likes to be nagged. Be tactful in your approach. Try saying something like, "Honey, my back is killing me. Vacuuming the floors every week is really taking its toll on my back. Would you mind taking over this chore?"
3. Make a list.
Sometimes, men simply have little idea how many things must be done to run the household. With a little more perspective, many men jump at the chance to help carry the load.
• Make a chore chart for your family and hang it prominently in the kitchen. Give every member of the family a colored star (such as Maggie has blue stars next to her chores and Tommy has red) and be sure to include both you and dad within the chart.
4. Be specific.
Ask your husband to help out with specific chores. He likely has a different definition of what "helping out" means, and you can effectively come together by spelling out exactly what you need.
• If you're vague in your description, he may think that loading the dishwasher and wiping the counters every night is enough. Meanwhile, you were hoping that he'd vacuum and fold laundry twice weekly. Communication is the key to a smoothly running home.
5. Call in the big guns.
If all else fails, let your husband know that you mean business.
• Take it upon yourself to get quotes from local cleaning services and ensure that he's home when you're doing the walkthrough of your home with the consultant. Once he hears that it'll cost your family $400 per month to pick up his slack, he's likely to be more willing to help.
Men and women often have very different ideas of the chores that need to be done in order to keep your household operating smoothly. By following these strategies, you'll finally be able to get your hardworking career man to work hard at doing his part at home as well. With everyone pulling their weight, the household will run smoothly and everyone will be happier.
Next, He said... No one takes me seriously anymore!!!
While there is a growing number of stay at home dads, they still represent a very small segment of the population. If you’re one of these pioneers, you may be amused to see that there’s a reality TV show on AMC in your honor. On the other hand, you may want a little more practical assistance than what you see on Modern Dads. A recent study by the Pew Research Center found that the number of U. S. dads who stay at home while their spouses work full time has almost doubled since the 1970s. The number is now estimated at over 500,000 and still growing.
Unfortunately, there’s also evidence that men may face stiffer career consequences than women for taking time away from the workforce.
If you’re a stay at home dad, you may want to consider these suggestions regarding yourself, your family, and your employment plans. They may help you take better care of your family and get taken more seriously.
Steps to Take with Your Family
1. Discuss expectations with your partner.
Child rearing may be the most important issue to discuss with your partner. Ensure you agree on the major points.
2. Answer your children’s questions.
Your kids are bound to realize their family seems a little different from their friends and classmates. Be open to their questions and answer them with age-appropriate information.
3. Divide responsibilities equitably.
That same Pew study found that some men who stay at home appear to be doing curiously little housework. If that sounds like you, take some initiative and start cleaning.
4.Make a savings plan.
It’s difficult for many families to get by on a single paycheck. Set money aside regularly, even if it’s a small amount, so you have some savings and an emergency fund.
5. Enlist broader support.
Find strength in relatives who respect your decisions. Make an effort to stay in touch and seek their support.
Steps to Take with Yourself
Family and friends will pick up on your confident and cheerful attitude. Your kids are especially sensitive to your mood.
2. Join a support group.
Reach out to other men in similar circumstances. You may find a support group online or in your neighborhood.
3. Discuss differences tactfully.
You may encounter people who hold strong viewpoints about traditional gender roles. Try to look at it as an opportunity to present yourself as a constructive role model rather than interpreting their reaction as a personal criticism.
Steps to Take with Employment
1. Explore innovative work arrangements.
The nature of work has changed dramatically since the internet and the most recent recession. If you want to still work outside the home, think about taking on some freelance or contract work, working part time, or sharing a position.
These options will help you stay connected to the workforce.
2. Assess the culture.
If you receive a job offer, talk with your potential coworkers before accepting it. Check out their experience with being able to leave early for an occasional school event or if there’s the ability to work from home when your child is ill.
3. Study your benefits.
Similarly, read the employment manual. Some employers offer paid parental leave and day care. Understanding your benefits and compensation will help you decide if it’s financially worthwhile for you and your partner to both work outside the home.
Make allies by taking everyone’s needs into consideration when it comes to balancing work and home life. Your future colleagues may have elderly parents who they care for or other responsibilities outside of the workplace.
Compared to a generation ago, fathers are already spending about three times as many hours with their children, and most want to increase that amount even further. Staying at home with your children could be the best decision you ever make. You’ll probably end up feeling like it was well worth anything you had to sacrifice along the way.
Every household dynamic is different. Do what works for your household. I will like to thank my co host on this blog post, Lawrence Wells for sharing his first hand experience with our audience.
What do you think?
Leave your comments below!
Kerri Honeywood is a Certified Doula/ Certified Lactation Specialist/ Holistic Healer/ Certified Reiki Master/ that works with Postpartum mothers and others that can benefit from holistic healing & support. She is the mother of five she understands the joys and challenges of motherhood and life in general.