Pregnancy Should Be a Time of Hope—But for Some, It Becomes a Time of Fear.When people think about pregnancy, they often imagine baby showers, nursery decorations, and joyful anticipation. While those moments are beautiful, they don't tell the whole story.
For some individuals, pregnancy can also be a time when unhealthy or abusive behaviors begin—or become more severe. This reality isn't often talked about, but it deserves compassionate conversation and awareness.
As a Full-Spectrum Holistic Doula and Community Health Worker, my role is to provide education, emotional support, advocacy, and resources while creating a safe and respectful environment for every family I serve. My commitment to ongoing professional education, including domestic violence awareness, family safety, and crisis-informed support, has strengthened my ability to recognize when additional support or community resources may be needed.
The goal isn't to judge.
The goal is to ensure that every family knows they deserve to feel safe, respected, and supported.



Can a Doula Recognize Signs of Abuse?One question I often think about is:
"Can a doula recognize when something isn't right?"
The answer is yes—but within our professional role.
Doulas are not investigators, therapists, or legal professionals. We don't diagnose situations or make legal decisions. However, because we often spend meaningful time with families during pregnancy, birth, and postpartum, we may notice changes or concerns that deserve compassionate attention.
Sometimes it's not what someone says.
Sometimes it's what they don't say.
Sometimes it's how someone reacts.
Sometimes it's the fear behind their smile.
Our responsibility is to create a space where families feel heard, respected, and never judged.


Abuse Isn't Always PhysicalWhen people hear the word "abuse," they often picture physical injuries.
But abuse can take many forms.
It may include:

• Emotional abuse
• Verbal abuse
• Financial control
• Isolation from family or friends
• Digital or technology-based monitoring
• Sexual coercion
• Threats or intimidation
• Controlling behaviors

These experiences can affect a person's physical health, emotional well-being, and pregnancy journey.


Some Warning Signs That May Need AttentionEvery situation is different, and none of these signs alone prove abuse. However, they may indicate that someone could benefit from additional support.
A person may:

• Seem unusually fearful around their partner
• Frequently cancel appointments without explanation
• Have little control over finances or transportation
• Be prevented from speaking privately with healthcare providers
• Appear anxious about making simple decisions
• Become increasingly isolated from family and friends
• Express concern about going home
• Show unexplained injuries or repeated "accidents"

As professionals, we don't jump to conclusions.
Instead, we remain observant, compassionate, and supportive.


What Does a Doula Do?One of the greatest gifts a doula can offer is a safe, judgment-free presence.
That may look like:
💜 Listening without criticism
💜 Encouraging open communication
💜 Respecting a client's choices
💜 Helping clients understand available resources
💜 Supporting informed decision-making
💜 Promoting emotional well-being
💜 Working collaboratively with the healthcare team
Sometimes, simply knowing that someone cares can make a world of difference.


Understanding My Role as a Mandated ReporterMany people don't realize that, in certain professional roles, there are legal responsibilities to report suspected abuse involving children or other situations defined by state law.
Being a mandated reporter is not about getting families into trouble.
It is about helping protect those who may be at risk and connecting them with appropriate support when required by law.
Every situation is unique, and any required reporting is guided by applicable laws and professional responsibilities.
My goal is always to approach families with compassion, dignity, and respect.


You Deserve to Feel SafeHealthy relationships are built on:
✔ Respect
✔ Trust
✔ Honest communication
✔ Safety
✔ Mutual support
✔ Encouragement
No one deserves to feel controlled, threatened, isolated, or afraid.
Whether you're expecting your first baby or welcoming another child, your emotional and physical well-being matter just as much as your baby's.


Asking for Help Is a Sign of StrengthIf something in your relationship doesn't feel right, know this:
You are not alone.
There are compassionate professionals, healthcare providers, advocates, and community organizations ready to support you.
Reaching out for help is not a sign of weakness.
It is an act of courage.


My Commitment to Every FamilyAt Moon Cycle Mama Doula & Wellness, I believe every family deserves compassionate, respectful, and informed support.
As I continue expanding my professional education in family safety, domestic violence awareness, crisis-informed support, and community health, my mission remains the same:
To walk alongside families with empathy, education, and evidence-informed care while honoring every individual's dignity and respecting the boundaries of my professional role.
Because every parent deserves to feel heard.
Every child deserves to feel safe.
And every family deserves access to support.


About the AuthorKerri Honeywood is a Full-Spectrum Holistic Doula, Community Health Worker, Childbirth Educator, Certified Lactation Specialist, Maternal Mental Community Health Worker, and Founder of Moon Cycle Mama Doula & Wellness. She is passionate about empowering families through education, advocacy, compassionate support, and community-based resources. Through ongoing professional development, Kerri continues to expand her knowledge in family safety, maternal health, crisis-informed support, and holistic family wellness to better serve families throughout every stage of their journey.
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You Didn't Lose Yourself. You Became Someone New.
When we think about pregnancy and childbirth, we often focus on preparing for the baby's arrival.
We decorate nurseries.
Attend baby showers.
Pack hospital bags.
Take childbirth classes.
Research strollers and car seats.

But very few people prepare mothers for one of the biggest transformations they'll ever experience—the transformation of their identity.
Many women quietly wonder:
"Why don't I feel like myself anymore?"
"Will I ever be the woman I was before?"
"Why do I miss my old life when I love my baby so much?"
If you've ever asked yourself these questions, I want you to know something.
You are not failing.
You are grieving.
Not because you regret becoming a mother.
But because every new beginning requires letting go of something familiar.



Motherhood Is More Than a Physical Birth The day your baby is born...
A mother is born too.
That version of you who could leave the house without planning around naps and feeding schedules...
She changes.
The woman who could sleep through the night...
She changes.
The person who made spontaneous plans...
She changes.
Your priorities change.
Your relationships may change.
Even your dreams and goals may evolve.
This isn't a loss.
It's a transformation.
Yet transformations often come with grief.
​
Grief Isn't Always About Death

When people hear the word "grief," they usually think about losing someone they love.

But grief can also happen when life changes.

You may grieve:

Your independence.
Your career identity.
Your free time.
Your old routines.
Your social life.
Your body before pregnancy.
Your relationship before children.
The version of yourself you once knew.

And here's something many mothers don't realize:

You can deeply love your child and still mourn parts of your previous life.

Both emotions can exist together.

That doesn't make you ungrateful.

It makes you human.

The Identity Shift Is Real

Motherhood asks women to become many things all at once.

A caregiver.

A protector.

A teacher.

A comforter.

A decision-maker.

A nurturer.

Sometimes all before breakfast.

It's no surprise that many mothers wonder where they fit into the picture.

The identity shift after becoming a mother can feel overwhelming because society often celebrates the baby's milestones while overlooking the mother's transformation.

But your journey matters too.

Why We Don't Talk About This Enough

Many mothers stay silent because they fear judgment.

They worry someone will misunderstand their feelings.

They think admitting they miss their old life somehow means they love their baby less.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Loving your child and grieving your former identity are not opposites.

They can exist together.

The more we normalize these conversations, the more mothers will realize they are not alone.

Signs You May Be Experiencing an Identity Shift

You may notice:

Feeling disconnected from hobbies you once loved.
Wondering who you are outside of motherhood.
Feeling emotionally overwhelmed.
Missing your old routines.
Struggling to recognize yourself.
Feeling guilty for wanting time alone.
Questioning your purpose.
Feeling both grateful and sad at the same time.

These feelings are common during pregnancy, postpartum, and beyond.

Healing Doesn't Mean Becoming Your Old Self Again

One of the biggest misconceptions about motherhood is that eventually you'll "get back to normal."

But what if normal isn't the goal?

What if healing means discovering a version of yourself that is wiser, stronger, more compassionate, and more deeply connected to who you are becoming?

You don't need to return to the woman you were before.

You have permission to embrace the woman you are becoming.

Growth often requires letting go.

Healing often requires grace.

Transformation requires patience.

How to Support Yourself During This Season

If you're navigating this identity shift, give yourself permission to:

Slow down without guilt.
Ask for help.
Rest when your body asks for it.
Journal your thoughts and emotions.
Spend time doing something that reconnects you with yourself.
Talk openly with someone you trust.
Celebrate small victories.
Remember that healing is not linear.

Most importantly...

Be gentle with yourself.

You are learning a new version of life while becoming a new version of yourself.

That deserves compassion.

You Were Never Meant to Do This Alone

At Moon Cycle Mama Doula and Wellness, I believe postpartum care is about more than physical recovery.

It is about supporting the whole mother.

Your emotional wellness.

Your mental wellbeing.

Your confidence.

Your healing.

Your identity.

Whether you're preparing for birth, navigating postpartum, or simply trying to find yourself again, you deserve support that honors every part of your journey.

Because when a mother feels seen, heard, and cared for...

The entire family benefits.

A Gentle Reminder

If no one has told you lately, let me be the one.

You are not broken.

You are not behind.

You are not failing.

You are becoming.

And becoming takes time.

Give yourself the same love, patience, and compassion that you so freely give to everyone else.

About the Author

Kerri Honeywood is the founder of Moon Cycle Mama Doula and Wellness, serving families throughout Chicago and virtually. As a holistic birth and postpartum doula, certified lactation specialist, maternal wellness advocate, community health worker, and Reiki practitioner, she helps mothers navigate pregnancy, birth, postpartum healing, and the emotional transformation of motherhood with compassionate, evidence-informed, and holistic support.​